1.1.2 Despite All This

[whedonist]

1.1.2 - Despite All This

Nora nearly purred as the fingernails of her friend lightly scraped her scalp. They had been sitting in the back of Nora’s car, cuddled together under three blankets watching the meteor shower and then just star gazing for a while. In late January the nights turned cold, but the temperature didn’t seem to bother either woman.

The night was quiet, hushed. The mood had turned introspective at some point and Nora couldn’t seem to break the silence that draped over them. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to. To just lay there enjoying another person’s company without expectation of maintaining conversation was a small gift that Nora intended to enjoy.

So instead of speaking, she relished the silence and the soft, warm body her own was curled against. The blonde’s head rested neatly on Ann’s shoulder as the other woman’s arm draped across Nora’s shoulders, holding her close. Nora’s hand rested lightly on a strip of exposed skin above Ann’s waistband. Unconsciously, she ran her fingertips along the smooth skin.

It was moments like this that were not only increasing in frequency, but also intensity. As much as she tried, Nora couldn’t ignore the idea that she was more than likely falling in love, but moreover falling in love with another woman. A certain chill gripped her when she thought of the ramifications of what those ideas meant. Of how her family would react and perceive her after the fact. It was a terror that she shoved down and locked away. Virtually ignoring the panic.

The other issue was how exactly did Ann see her. Was she alone in her visceral response to the other woman? Did the pit of Ann’s stomach grow warm whenever Nora touched her? Nora didn’t know the answer and was too petrified to even ask. The information that Ann had offered about her personal history wasn’t a lot. From everything that she had gathered, Ann had moved to New Orleans three years ago at the age of nineteen. From the bits and pieces she’d pulled together, Nora knew enough that Ann’s family wasn’t much a part of her life, but she did have friends in Richmond that she kept in contact with.

She closed her eyes as Ann began to absently play with her hair. Hunkering down, both women tightened their hold on the other and listened to the sounds of the night.

---

Sweat dripped in Nora’s eyes as she circled her opponent. After three hours on the obstacle course and an hour on the driving course, Nora found herself in the gym with Ann sparring on a set of mats to the left of a boxing ring.

She used her right upper arm to catch some of the sweat that had begun to sting her eyes. The sounds of ropes twirling and soft smacks to either flesh or warn leather sounded in the gym. She breathed deep and caught the odors of too many hormones and stale sweat. It hung in the air and clung to every available free surface.

She watched Ann bounce on the balls of her feet. The brunette was trying to anticipate Nora’s next move while Nora was trying to do the same. They were at a stalemate and merely circling each other.

“Delaney, you want to fight or stare at me all day?” Ann teased.

Giving as good as she got, Nora said, “Please. The only reason you wanted to work out was to check out my ass in these pants.”

An upturned eyebrow and a smirk was the only thing Ann gave. Nora ducked just in time as she saw Ann’s shoulder drop. The gloved fist flew a few centimeters from her face. She quickly used the opening and managed to get a one-two shot in on Ann’s stomach. The victory of her hits was short lived as a foot swept out and knocked into the back of her knees. Her next coherent thought came when she looked up. Ann had pinned her, sitting on the blonde’s chest while she used her knees to pin down Nora’s arms.

A broad grin graced slim, chiseled features. Nora’s breath caught in her throat as Ann leaned down. For the briefest moment, the noises of the gym went away and the only thing Nora could hear was the hard steady beat of her own heart.

Just as suddenly as it began it ended as Ann cleared her throat. Confused, Nora looked up at her friend and saw a deep, ruddy blush extend to the top of Ann’s forehead to the tips of her ears. As Ann helped her to her feet and helped pull her gloves off, Nora wondered what just happened and if what she thought was going to happen was only imagined.

---

The groggy blonde blinked against the harsh, early morning sunlight. Squinting, she realized that once again she found herself in Ann’s bed with the brunette cuddled against her. For a few minutes, Nora closed her eyes and basked in the warmth and intimacy of the moment.

Her body tingled every place Ann pressed against her. Lazily, she studied the woman resting on her arm. Ann’s features, soft and relaxed in sleep, stole Nora’s breath. Gently, she took her free hand, swept a lock of hair away from Ann’s face and traced a light finger down the woman’s temple. The traitorous finger slid slowly across her cheek and down the long slope of her neck.

The touch stirred the other woman and Nora looked down into clear, blue eyes. Unthinking, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against the one’s belonging to Ann. The moment stretched on as their positions shifted slightly and Ann gained some leverage. The brunette deepened the kiss, pulling the taller woman against her. Instinctively Nora’s lips parted and invited Ann’s tongue in to meet her own.

Thoughts drifted through as their embrace continued. Nora marveled at how different this felt. The softness of the lips gently teasing her own. Her body’s immediate and enthusiastic response to the caress. The embrace moved slowly on. Neither pushing for more, just content with how things seemed to naturally remain in stasis as they adjusted to this development.

Grudgingly, Nora broke away, resting her forehead against her partner’s. Her breath came in deep as the fog receded from her mind.

It was Ann’s quiet, “Whoa.” That brought Nora fully down from her cloud of euphoria.

Realizing what just happened and allowing the full weight of the implications to settle on her chest, Nora tried to push Ann away, but found herself trapped, wrapped up in deceptively strong arms.

“Nora,” Ann pleaded gently, “don’t. Don’t run away.”

“I – you –,” Nora stumbled unable to find her voice.

Ann pressed her index finger to the full, trembling lips of her friend, quieting her down. “No. This doesn’t – don’t name it, don’t talk about. Please, Nora, let’s just enjoy it for what it is.”

The panic Nora felt slowly receded. She stared into frightened cerulean eyes and her muscles slackened. Steeling herself, she realized that it didn’t have to be anything. Whatever they wanted. Ann had responded to and obviously had wanted it as much as Nora.

“I’m sorry. I just …,” Nora stumbled again.

Smiling slightly, Ann nodded. “I know. Not what…it’s okay,” she said, deciding that less was definitely more for this situation. She pulled Nora back down and held the other woman close. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought about kissing the blonde, she had a great deal. She just never figured that Nora would have wanted it, much less initiated it.

Ann felt Nora nuzzle into the crook of her arm and she squeezed the other woman’s shoulders. Unsure of what to do or say Ann’s gaze fell on to the dresser across from her bed. She looked at the smiling faces of Jill and Lee. Her best friends. The one’s she’d left in Richmond to come here and start fresh. Of course, it wasn't like she could count Jill as one of her best friends anymore. They didn’t talk much and most information about the other was spread with Lee acting as the middle man.

What a nightmare that had been.

The three had met their freshman year of high school and had become virtually inseparable. She had watched while Lee and Jill shared a very turbulent relationship for the first half of their sophomore year and had helped Jill put herself back together when they broke up. It was during that time or Ann thought, maybe it was something that just happened, but before she knew it, she’d fallen in love with Jill. Hard. Deep. Devastatingly.

Of course, falling in love with your best friend never actually works out the way you think it will. Mostly, Ann mused, it ends in tears.

As Lee had slowly built a solid friendship with Jill again, he had noticed the changes in Ann. It was his insistent prodding that forced her to come clean to him one night. After that, he would point out things that Jill did only when Ann was around. How they acted towards each other. Lee’s observations gave her the courage to confront Jill. She'd written her a letter because words didn’t work for her the way they did for most people. Writing seemed to work best. So Ann wrote a letter and had delivered it to Jill.

They hadn’t really spoken since then. It was one of the myriad of reasons Ann moved south. That and the never ending trouble her parents were always in. The last she’d heard of her father, he was serving time for drug trafficking and her mom was turning tricks to support her habit. Lee had been the one to deliver that information not more than three weeks ago.

A slight tremor shook Ann from her thoughts. Her gaze traveled to the blonde curled into her side. She ached when she realized that Nora was crying. Placing a soothing hand on Nora’s back, she whispered, “Nora, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Nora looked up and shook her head. “I…”

Ann pulled Nora up so that they were eye level. “Scared?” Ann asked.

Nora nodded as Ann wiped the tears trailing down her friend’s cheeks and tried for a reassuring smile.

“Would it help if I said I was too?” the brunette ventured.

“Maybe.” Nora sniffled and ran her hand through her hair. She pulled back so that she was resting against the headboard. “I care about you, Ann. Way more than I should.”

“Why is that bad?” Ann shifted her position so that she was cross legged facing Nora.

“It’s not, but we can’t…if my family found out, the academy. This could ruin everything.” Nora’s arms folded across her chest as she chewed on her lower lip.

“Who says they have to know?” the brunette countered.

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

Confused, Ann cocked her head to the side and asked, “Tell you what?”

Rolling her eyes, Nora waved a hand between the two of them. “That you know…”

Ann’s shoulders squared and her back straightened. “Tell you that I wanted to kiss you? That I’m a dyke?” She watched Nora’s reaction and shook her head. “Of course, that’s it, isn’t it?” Unable to sit anymore, Ann got up and began pacing the length of her room. “That’s homophobic bullshit, Nor. Why should I have to introduce myself as Ann Louise Flemming, the dyke? Do you introduce yourself as Nora Delaney, the closet case?”

Reacting quickly, Nora rose from the bed and stood in Ann’s path. Placing her hands on Ann’s shoulders, she said, “I’m sorry, again.” Nora looked away, unable to meet the pain reflected back at her. “I’m scared. And the fact that I’m saying that to you…”

Ann pulled the blonde into a hug. She whispered into Nora’s neck, “I’m sorry…that was harsh.” She felt Nora shrug and she herself sighed. Gently she sat them on the edge of the bed. “Nora,” Ann turned towards the blonde, causing their knees to touch and said, “I really do understand how scary this is, but…do you like me?”

Blinking, Nora said, “We didn’t cover that?”

“Yeah, we sorta did, but I want to be clear. I like you. A lot. I think you like me, like I like you.” Ann shook her head and said, “And there were entirely too many ‘like’s in that sentence. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want or tell or say anything to anyone.” Pleadingly, Ann grabbed Nora’s hand, threading their fingers together and said, “This can be us, here. In our rooms, behind closed doors. I’m okay with that. Given the field we’re going into, we sorta need it to be.”

“You would be okay with that?” Nora watched Ann’s reaction as the other woman nodded almost hopefully. Nora’s head raced with all the possible ways of how this couldn’t work. Of why it shouldn’t. Her mind spat at least a dozen reasons at once, but her heart said something else and her gut was in agreement with the quiet persistence of her heart.

Decision reached, her hand rose and gently caressed Ann’s cheek. Her hand went back, wrapping in soft brown hair to pull the other woman forward. Their lips met as Nora conveyed her decision through the action and caress.

---

Looking around her room, Nora sighed. She’d given up trying to figure out whose clothes belonged to whom. Between the Academy’s demands on her time, life in general, and the moments she stole with Ann there was absolutely no time to maintain a clean house. Add to the fact that the women had come to some unspoken arrangement that led to half of the other’s wardrobe ending up at the other’s. Nora was in short, screwed.

“Nora, have you seen my green shirt?” Ann asked stepping into the room as she dried her hair off with a towel.

“Nora! You’re dad’s here,” Beth’s voice called from the living room.

Both women’s eyes grew large as they looked around the room. The tousled sheets, the clothes and their current state of undress, Nora in a pair of jeans and her bra while Ann was in nothing but Nora’s robe. The robe her parents got for her for Christmas.

“Nora?” her dad’s voice came from down the hall.

A small squeak came from Nora. Unthinking, Ann slipped into the closet and shut the door. Nora grabbed the first t-shirt she saw and pulled it over head. Her dad entered the room with a slight knock.

“Nora,” her dad said, smiling. “We’re gonna be late.” He stood and examined the room. His lips formed a thin line as he said, “Sorry, but you know how your mama gets. I’ll wait in the living room.”

She watched as he spun quickly out of the room and shut the door. Ann’s head peaked out a moment later, looking sheepish and wide eyed.

Nora looked from her then down at the bed she was standing by. Gracelessly, she fell forward, planting her head firmly in a small pile of clothes and bunched blankets. She felt Ann’s comforting hand on her back and she let lose a muffled scream.

She turned her head and looked up. The brunette’s apologetic gaze and encouraging smile pushed Nora up. “Well,” she said.

“Yeppers.” Ann looked over the other woman’s shoulder spotting the shirt she was looking for. She reached around and snatched it from the edge of the end table. “Ha! I knew I left that here.”

“We should…” Nora said.

Knowing what she met, Ann placed a firm kiss to the corner of her lover’s mouth and hopped off the bed. “You’re dad’s waiting. If we’re late, your mother won’t be happy. I’ve only met the woman a few times and I already know that much about her.”

Nora nodded and finished getting ready. It took another ten minutes on hair and make-up then they were out the door. The car ride wasn’t too bad, but it was filled with silence. As the idea of the party and what lay ahead for them loomed, Nora began to rethink the surprise she had in store for her girlfriend. It wasn’t something she had planned on, but it seemed like a great opportunity.

One morning, Nora had answered Ann’s phone and began talking to Lee. The man effortlessly pumped Nora for information and had slipped that they were going to be graduating the police academy in few short weeks. Lee had wished that he could see that, but with his new work schedule knew he wasn’t going to make it.

A week later, Nora had called and offered an invitation to Lee and Jill to the graduation party her parents were having for her. Knowing that Ann didn’t have any family, she had talked her parents into making it a joint celebration. She had Bobby use her car and pick up the two from the airport last night. Currently, they were waiting with the Delaney clan at her parents’ house.

They pulled into the driveway fifteen minutes later and Nora’s stomach was a knot. She waited for her father to leave her sight, disappearing behind the house to the backyard. Turning to Ann, she unconsciously grabbed her hand.

“Babe, you okay?” Ann asked, squeezing the blonde’s hand.

Nora nodded. “Just…look, when you get back there, please do me a favor and don’t be mad.”

A slim eyebrow rose. “What exactly did you do?”

“Uh, it’s sort of a surprise.” Nora tried for an encouraging smile, but thought she’d failed as the slight scowl marred Ann’s usually easy going features.

“Uh-huh. Well, let’s get on with it. I reserve the right to exact revenge after this is all over,” she called over her shoulder and followed the path Nora’s father had taken. She shook her head and wondered what exactly Nora could have done. As she rounded the corner of the house, a large banner read ‘Congratulation’s Nora and Ann!’ Under it stood the Delaney brood along with two very unexpected faces.

Nora stopped right behind Ann, discretely placing a hand on the small of her lover’s back. Neither was given any time for as soon as Nora stepped into view the backyard erupted into cheers. It took less than ten seconds for both of them to be pushed forward and clapped on the back, hugged or cheered on for becoming part of the police department.

Swept up in the moment, Nora plastered a smile across her face and split her attention to the well-wishers and Ann. Her lover was slightly ashen as the brunette broke away from her brothers and approached Lee and Jill by the picnic table. Finally managing to grab a coke and make her way over to Ann and her friends. Lightly, she touched Ann’s shoulder. The other woman shrunk away and spun to Nora.

“I…Nora, this is Lee and Jill,” Ann tried to smile, but couldn’t manage it. “I think you and Lee have talked before.”

Nora grinned trying to displace her lover’s unease. “Yeah. Hi, Lee. Nice to finally meet you.” She shook the offered hand and turned to Jill. “Hi, Nora Delaney.”

Jill’s smile never quite made it to completion as she perfunctorily shook the other woman’s hand and said, “Jillian Ness.” Turning to Ann, she said, “I’m…”

Ann cut her off, “I really can’t deal with this right now.”

With that the three stood there and watched Ann’s retreating back. Nora looked between the two as Ann made her way further away, disappearing among the woods that lined her parents’ backyard. Nora moved to follow her, but was stopped by Jill’s hand.

She looked at the woman, pretty with dark, chestnut hair. Fine features and high cheekbones. “This is my fault. I’m sorry,” she said. Nora watched her chase after her.

The blonde turned to the male of the group, looking him over. Lee was barely an inch taller than she, with sandy blonde hair with the build of a linebacker, broad shoulders, a barrel chest with a narrow waist.

“Sorry about that,” he waved a hand towards his two absent friends. “They’ve got…ah…issues.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that seeing you two was going to upset her?” Nora asked quietly.

Sighing, Nora turned on heel and followed after the two women. She followed the voices as she moved deeper among the trees. She stopped short as she saw the two women standing together. She slipped behind a large tree. The two were standing close together with Jill holding Ann’s hands to her own chest.

“You don’t think I know I fucked up?” Jill asked.

Prying her hands away, Ann turned away and spat, “You haven’t said more than two words to me in nearly two years. Three if you don’t count the day I left or the fight before that. I figured talking to me was the last thing you wanted.”

Running a hand through her long hair, Jill pleaded, “I was freaked out. I was scared and didn’t know what to do.”

Jill turned Ann to her as Ann whined, “I can’t. Nora. You’ve no right.”

Nora watched Jill search Ann’s features. Sighing, Jill said, “You and the blonde?” Ann nodded and Jill asked, “Do you love her?”

“I care about Nora. She’s a pretty amazing person. You’d like her.” Ann stepped further into Jill’s personal space as Nora listened.

“Do you love her like you love me?” Jill tried again.

“I…” Ann’s face fell as she softly admitted, “You were the first. Jill, it’s not fair. Loving you came to me like breathing. It’s just something that’s always been.”

Nora released the breath she was holding. For some reason hearing her lover’s admission didn’t sting like she thought it would. Deciding to bench the conversation she wanted to have with Ann for later, she let them have their privacy. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with what she just saw, but something was going to have to be done.

As she stepped out of the woods, her father’s figure strode in her direction. She looked over to find that Lee was talking with her brothers, Bobby, Patrick and Terry.

“Nora, can I see you for a minute.” Her father stepped into her line of sight. Grabbing her by the elbow, he led her to a more private spot at the edge of the yard. Quietly, he reached into his pants pocket and removed a small blue box. Shoving it in his daughter’s hands, he said, “That was your grandma’s. I figure you could have it.”

Nora opened the box and smiled as a medallion of St. Francis of Assisi lay nestled in the box. Her father helped her put in on and she slipped the empty box in her pants pocket.

She watched her father play with the label on his beer bottle before he spoke. “When I came to your place earlier…Nora Marie, I’ve only ever wanted the best for you. So listen here young lady, what you’re playin’ with will only get you hurt. The Force doesn’t take too kindly to the path you’re headed down.” His jaw set and he looked up, meeting his daughter’s gray eyes. “Whatever it is that you’re doin’, I suggest you end it ‘fore anyone finds out or worse yer mama. It’d just about kill her.” Not saying another word, he turned and strode off.

---

A pair of underwear went sailing into the corner of the room as Nora finally managed to remove all of her clothing while Ann reclined on the bed. Slightly sweaty but content, Nora crawled over her lover and settled into the open arms that were waiting for her. They hadn’t actually made it to the bed after coming home from the bar.

After the party yesterday, Nora warred with herself. It had scarred her that her father had said anything. The admonishment hurt. The fact that he wasn’t going to say anything to anyone provided only a small bit of salve to the wound. The other issue was that she was still compelled to see where this thing with Ann would take her. Another part needed to see Jill and Ann together. So she had invited Jill and Lee out to Ann and her’s favorite bar. There the four of them had danced, drank and laughed. Nora loved seeing Ann as open and happy as she had been tonight.

She also yearned to have friendships like her lover seemed to share with her friends. It was also during their third round that Nora had come to several realizations. The first and foremost being that she loved Ann. Had fallen head over heels in love with the woman. The second was that even though Ann’s hushed admission to Jill still left Nora with a hope that one day they could get there, she saw tonight that that wasn’t ever going to happen. Watching the two together was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Lee had taken her out on the dance floor and as they slowed down in their movements he had offered an apology. His bittersweet smile conveyed to Nora the things he couldn’t really say. They had danced through a few songs and he spoke of his time with the two. He seemed to think that when Jill was in Ann’s orbit the rest of the world could be burning and the only thing that mattered was the two of them. He confessed that he’d always felt a bit like the third wheel.

Nora had only offered a tight lipped smile at his apology and shelved the information. So they had come back from the club and Ann had jumped Nora before they even got through Ann’s bedroom door closed. The blonde allowed it to happen was even an active participant, loving every touch, moan and whimper that she had caused in the brunette.

It was during her return to earth that the third realization had hit her like a ton of bricks. Nuzzling into the supple skin of her lover, Nora grabbed Ann’s hand and threaded their finger’s together. “Ann?” Nora whispered.

“Hmm?” came the tired reply.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.” Nora winced as Ann shot up and reached for the lamp on the bedside table. Trying to calm her down, she pulled Ann back down to resume their comfortable position. “Quit freaking out. I need to tell you a few things.”

“Nora, you…” Ann tried.

“I…what? Baby, please just shut up and listen to me.” Nora lifted the hand she held and placed a few kisses on the knuckles, trying to take the sting from her words. “Listen first, and then start yelling.”

Knowing she had Ann’s attention, Nora propped herself up on her elbow and turned to look at the clear blue eyes she’d come to adore. She rested her free hand on Ann’s alabaster chest and said, “I love you.” She smiled a little at the warmth that infused the brunette’s features, taking a second to cherish the moment. “You aren’t in love with me.”

A protest started to form on Ann’s lips, but Nora silenced them with a slim finger on full lips. “It’s okay. Let me talk. I’ve come to a few conclusions tonight. The first was that I’m in love with you. The second was that you don’t love me, not like you should.” She removed her finger and took Ann’s free hand again. “The third was that we should stop this. You deserve to be with someone you love and I deserve to be loved in return.”

Fighting the tears that pooled, she sniffed and said, “Ann, I want you to be happy. Seeing you with Jill. I don’t know the full story. Really don’t wanna know it, but you love her. I think she loves you too.”

Ann removed her hand from Nora’s and swiped at her own cheeks first and then at Nora’s. While the truth of what Nora said was apparent, she didn’t think that it would hurt like it was. “I’m sorry.”

The blonde smiled slightly and shrugged as best she could. “I don’t think there’s anything to be sorry for. If I put two and two together right, she’s decided to pull her head from her ass. That’s why she came down here wasn’t it?” Ann nodded as Nora continued, “I want you happy. That’s the most important thing to me right now. If she does that, you should be with her.”

Not having any words, Ann’s tears dripped down her cheeks and fell from her chin. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Pulling Nora to her, she tightened her hold letting her tears fall into Nora’s blonde hair. “I should go,” she heard Nora say.

Ann shook her head no and whispered, “Would you mind…” She bit her lower lip and asked, “Stay? For tonight? Please?”

Knowing that she would, Nora settled against the pillows. She repositioned herself and asked, “Now what?” Her smile was crooked as her chest tightened. She read Ann’s silent plea and opened up her arms. The brunette fell into them and she snuggled in. She reached for the bedside lamp and flipped it off. Her arm returned to its position and threaded through her love’s hair, okay with the fact that at least she’d have tonight.

Next>>>

Comments

[katiepult.livejournal.com]

Great start and the second part was as good as the first. I do hope Nikki factors into this story soon. ;)

[whedonist]

Thanks...and yes Nikki you will be seeing Nikki on next story...it's all Nikki actually.

Thanks for the reviews and the reading...

[nemodoryismyido.livejournal.com]

awwww a heartbroken NOra, yet she did it on her terms, which brings the sweet with the bitter. It is also nice to see how Nora worked through certain realizations. Thanks for another great chapter/part. I too can not wait to see where the story winds next.

[marleykaren.livejournal.com]

Awesomeness! More's coming soon I hope =) Can't wait for the girls to get together!