Here's To the Night - Ch. 7

[whedonist]

Fandom: Nikki & Nora

Pairing: Nikki & Nora

Rating: PG-13 to R (depends on the chapter)

Title:Here’s to the Night – Ch. 7 - Inferno

Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not my intellectual property. They belong to Nancylee Myatt and other people that I don’t associate with. If they were mine, Nikki & Nora would still be in production and we would all be very very happy. This is for fun…read - me mucking about for some entertainment in another person’s sandbox, not for money. While this has been beta’d, we’re not perfect and I accept full responsibility for all mistakes.

A/N: 16 hour days the next three days! WOOHOO!...not really, but this means you get this early. So all of you read and enjoy while I’m stuck in meetings for the next few days =0D Also, thank you to my long suffering beta, the poor bastard has to put up with my awful spelling, bless you Dirk! Lastly, read and enjoy and a heartfelt thank you to those that are reading.

Ch. 7 – Inferno

Pacing the length of my girlfriend’s living room, I press the phone to my ear trying to hear Nora over the engines to the plane roaring around her. Between her putout tone and the fact that I can’t believe what I’m hearing, I’m ready to blow a gasket.

No.

That’s not right either.

I’m ready to tell Ann and the F.B.I. they can take their case and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

After the horror that was Wednesday and the less than stellar Thursday, Friday isn’t looking so hot either. At six p.m. Nora and Ann decide to call while they’re en route to the airport to leave town together.

And she won’t tell me where!

My jaw clenches as she sputters on the other end of the phone, “Would you just relax?”

Would I just…what!

I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing for patience.

Surprise!

It doesn’t come.

“Nora, just how in the hell would you like me to calm down?” I spit.

I spin just before running into the fireplace and march the other way.

“Look, it’s not that bad. Ann and I will be home by Sunday night, Monday morning at the latest,” she says. She says that as if it’s supposed to make everything alright.

“So you just want me to accept the fact that after the week we’ve had, you taking off to parts unknown is just acceptable?”

Doesn’t she see?

“Yes, yes I do. It’s our job Nikki,” she clips.

“Oh bullshit Nora! You won’t even tell me where in the hell you’re going. As your partner at work…Hell Nora! As the woman you say you love you should tell me where you’re going.” My heel spins, digs into the carpet and I whip around.

Her voice drops as she hisses, “One, if you were a civilian, I wouldn’t tell you a thing. It’s part of the job and you know it. If you were a civilian, Nikki, this conversation wouldn’t even be happening. Two, as my partner, having my back is your job. Besides you aren’t a part of this investigation and it’s safer for everyone involved that you don’t know.”

That’s her response. I’m supposed to accept the ‘hey babe, Ann and I are flying away for the weekend to check up on a few leads, see you maybe Sunday, but probably Monday?’

No.

“Nikki, we’re taxiing. Stay with Jill. I’ll be home soon,” she pleads, her tone softer.

I can’t seem to care. “Funny thing, I am at your place, detective. The woman I’m with, her wife isn’t here and neither is the girl I’m dating. It’s funny how this is working out.” I stop pacing and put my hand on my hip. “Look,” I say taking a breath realizing I’m running out of time, “You do what you need to do, but know this, Nora Marie Delaney, whatever this is, it’s far from over.” I snap my phone shut and for good measure hurl it at the brick of her fireplace.

I watch as the phone hits right along the edge of the mantle and pieces of it go sailing in different directions. I stand there staring at the point of impact trying to make sense of the hurricane in my head.

She just…I can’t even.

“Nikki,” I hear my name being called and see Jill perched on the edge of the couch. Worry marring her usually upbeat features. “Come on. Come sit.”

Relenting out of lack of options, I move to the couch and flop down next to her. I sink into the comfortable cushions and grunt.

She leaves me alone for a minute and mirrors my horrible slouching posture. “So,” she drawls, “now that you’re phone is nonfunctional, how do you feel?”

I tilt my head in her direction and shake my head. “How can she just…” I trail off not really knowing how she can just do that. How Nora can say that to me. She knows that I worry about her and more so now because we’re not working this investigation together.

I want to cry, but don’t want to give Nora the satisfaction. Right now, I want to strangle her. I swear that woman elicits in me the most violent tendencies sometimes.

What if something happens? I don’t know where she’s going. How she’s getting there and she doesn’t even have a change of clothes?

“And another thing,” the thought comes to me stoking my fire, “How come you got to sit and talk to her mother? How come she took you to meet her mom and the only two times I have seen her is because we were ambushed at the station house?” I really don’t mean to pout.

I think Jill knows this. I think she may even sympathize, but all she offers is a shrug as she says, “Nora is quite the quagmire. I’m just glad she isn’t mine to figure out.”

“It’s just…I mean Ann was all chummy with her mom and then you go over and…”

“Nikki, Nora’s mom didn’t know Ann was gay until my wife outted us that day. Nora’s mom flipped,” Jill says.

“She what?”

“She just got real quiet and then made some lame excuse.” Jill looks at me, sadness furrowing her brow. “I’m sorry Nikki. I’m sorry that Nora isn’t making this any easier and that you have to deal with it.”

“But I love her,” I pout, again.

Jill’s mouth quirks in a half smile and she tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know, sweetie. I know.”

“And aren’t you worried about them two?” I need someone to commiserate with.

Jill shakes her head and asks a question of her own, “Worried for their safety or worried about something else?”

My mouth falls open and I’m not sure how to answer. I am worried about their safety, but…

“Now,” she lengthens the word to its breaking point, tip toeing around her next statement, “If you’re saying we, as in you and me, should be worried about them being alone for the weekend, I’m not.”

I wasn’t implying…

Shit. Okay so that may be part of my anger. Damn it!

“Nikki, Nora’s got eyes for you. You only. Yes, when everything was new with Ann, I worried a lot. But knowing Nora, getting to know her, I knew my jealousy was unfounded. And boy lemme tell you, Ann and I went rounds a few times about it.” She smirks at me and then draws an arm around my shoulder.

I allow her to pull me in and kiss my temple. “They’ll be home soon. They’ll get here safe and sound. And our partners will not have had one illicit thought about the other.”

I deflate under her words.

“Now the fact that I’m the voice of reason in all of this should give you enough to worry about. I am not the voice of reason. My job is to be the spoiled, prima donna that lives up to the party hard cliché of models.” She winks at me and I can’t help the half smile that makes its way to my lips.

Jill sighs, pats my knee and sits up. I watch as she stands and moves around the room, collecting the bits of my cell phone.

That was actually somewhat dumb on my part, but…

Damn my temper.

“Nik, I know you’re upset right now,” she starts out tentatively, when I don’t bite her head off she continues, “but sweetie, you just went and shattered your primary point of contact to the blonde you’re so pissed at right now.”

I glare at her and huff. “I know.”

Her eyebrow rises and she says nothing more. I hear her rattle around in the kitchen as the sounds of pieces of plastic are dumped into the trashcan.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

She’s right and I need to fix it.

I sigh and get up. Run a hand through my hair and take second to collect myself. She comes in holding my SIM card between her thumb and forefinger. Her bag, because she hates it when you call it a purse, is slung across her chest.

“Let’s go get a new one and then you can vent some more, ‘kay?” she smiles at me.

I scowl a little for good measure but she happily links our arms together and leads me out of the door and down to June Lee.

Fuck.

---

Blinking, I pull the phone away from ear and watch as the display blinks the words, ‘call ended’ at me. She just hung up on me. I can’t believe Nikki just hung up on me. “Did she really just hang up on me?” I ask to no one in particular.

Ann looks over at me from her seat opposite mine. The government issued jet we’re in begins moving out to the runway and I power off my phone. Her eyebrow rises and she whistles.

“She hung up on you?” she asks.

I nod dumbly.

Ann shakes her head and smirks.

“Fuck off, Ann,” I spit and my arms fold across my chest.

I take in the sights of the leather and mahogany cabin and can’t figure out how Ann is pulling this off. I hear a sigh and watch as Ann moves from her chair to the one right next to me.

“What did she want me to say? I can’t...” I stop and run a hand through my hair.

Ann and I weren’t expecting this, but the file from Williams and then a phone call with the agents in Boston; we knew we needed to take a road trip. We weren’t planning on it, but the drop is coming up and we need to be ready.

If we can stop it, then all the better.

“Nora,” Ann says softly, “don’t think about Nikki right now. You can make up for it later.”

I swing my head in her direction. “Make up for what?” I almost growl.

Her eyes grow large and she holds her hands up. “Ya know, nows not the time. Instead, let’s talk about some explanations I think I owe you considering where we’ve found ourselves.”

We stop talking a moment as the plane lifts off the tarmac and we’re pushed back in our seats. A few minutes later, we feel the plane leveling off and the seat belt sign dings off. Ann is the first to undo hers and she motions for me to follow her actions. I oblige and she turns in the cushioned leather to face me, one leg tucked under her while the other rests on the cabin floor.

Mirroring her position, I urge her to continue.

“Alright, where to begin…” she trails off tapping her index finger against the tip of her nose. “Screw it. Forget it.”

“Uh, no,” I state.

“Yes, instead I think my story will be much more…beneficial to our current situation,” she smiles at me. That ridiculously charming smile she knows usually gets me to cave. For extra oomph, she snags my hand, laces our fingers together and swings them between us. “Please?”

I roll my eyes, but relent, “Fine.”

“Good. Now this happened about six months after we moved up north and I just started at the Bureau. There was this nasty case John and Luce were working. They were the ones I started with. It was a joint investigation with the N.S.A. and everything was ‘need to know’ only. The funny thing with John is that he and his team, Lucy and I, are always on full disclosure. The thing is is that it required us to leave the country.”

I look at her and cock my head to the side. Just where is she going with this?

“Give it a second. I have a point,” she says grinning. “See, because of the high security risks. I couldn’t tell anyone where we were going.”

“You couldn’t tell Jill,” I say realization dawning.

“Exactly. You know Jill. If we don’t talk at least once a day when I’m away or she’s away, there’s hell to pay on my end. The trip I had to take lasted a week. Black out. No contact.” My friend shakes her head and sighs. “It was necessary. I’m glad she didn’t know, doesn’t know still. But that was the icing on the cake of our first six months, Nor.”

She looks away from me and her eyes lose focus as she continues, “Honestly, that first year, I didn’t think we’d make it. She was so mad after that trip. The fights were…I’m sure if you ask John real nice, he’ll tell you about the one we had at Quantico. I still think agents talk about it whenever they see me walking around.” Her gaze comes back up to me as she says, “We worked through it. It was hard. But Jill and I were able to reconcile that my job would do that to us from time to time. I also had to come to terms with her work taking her away. She went on this shoot for over a week where there was no cell or satellite service.”

She snorts, shaking her head. “It bit hard when the shoe was on the other foot. I about had a conniption when her manager called me to tell me she’d been sick and taken to the airport her last day there.”

“Why are you…” I try to ask.

“Because you need to understand,” she interrupts, “Just because we can’t say where we’re going. Just because I can’t tell Jill everything, we’ve been together long enough to work through it. Find ways to deal with our emotions and get passed it. You and Nikki haven’t, Nora. And when it’s you being left out of the loop because of a case she’s working, you’re asinine response to her question’s going to come back and bite you in the ass.”

“There won’t…”

“You don’t know that, Nora. Moreover, stupid shit like you just said will drive a wedge between you two quicker than you can blink.” She squeezes my knee and leaves her hand there as she says, “I’ve seen you together. I know you and I’ve gotten to know her. If she left you, would you be able to handle it?”

I look away from her steady gaze, knowing the answer to that question.

Her hand slips from my knee and I look up. Her face is pinched, pensive almost. “Just sort it out when we get back. Get her pissed at me if you need to. I’ll take one for the team,” she jokes, winking at me. “Now on to more pressing issues.”

“We have more pressing issues?” I wonder.

“Duh, Delaney. Think about it. You, me, Boston and the agents there then on to Houston and the agents there,” she chides.

Oh, right. The reason why I’m thinking I’m this biggest asshole on the planet right now. The need to get direct reports from the agents. The trip that John, Ann and I thought was a good idea a little over an hour ago.

Crap.

I look around again. This time noticing the small things on the plane and how, while I’ve never ridden in a federal jet before, this still seems posh by comparison. “Ann, how exactly did we manage a jet?”

She laughs and her smile soothes me a little more than it should. Maybe it’s her confidence in me that’s so apparent. I can’t be sure and I’d rather not think about why and focus more on what it is and what we can do to end this case.

“Uh, department perk,” she says slyly.

“And just what else are the perks in your job? And ya know, while we’re at it, who the hell is John and what do you guys really do?” I ask.

“Do you want the long answer or the short answer?” she offers.

“Can I get something in-between?” I answer.

“Yeah, that can be arranged.” She settles back against the armrest and drapes the foot that was planted on the floor across my lap. “John is ex military. Worked for the Department of Defense and the C.I.A. Since the mid to late 80’s he’s been working first as a cop out of New York City and a few other departments through this program until finally settling in as the director of S.I. at the Bureau. For longer than he’s been a cop, he’s been a consultant…” She pauses, her mouth pinching before continuing, “Consultants not the right word. Advisor would be better for his work with the differing presidential cabinets.”

Uh…well. Not really what I was expecting.

“Because of his position and influence, he gets a small division inside the F.B.I. to run his own investigations in the areas of his choosing. We aren’t relegated to murders or kidnappings. We do different things as the needs arise, although because of the team’s specialties, me and profiling and Lucy’s fantastic with computers, we do find ourselves with more homicides than anything else.”

“Uh-huh,” I manage. “Does Jill know any of this?”

Ann nods. “Jill knows more than she should. And I’ve told you a lot already.”

I shake my head and lean back, letting it bounce off the plastic of the cabin. I don’t think I want to know anymore. “So, we’re good. I don’t wanna know anymore.” I tilt my head forward and look at her, asking as I change the subject, “Let’s focus on the interviews we need to do.”

---

The club was loud for a Friday night. The live band playing rock covers and the crowd that had gathered in front of the stage was dancing and singing along happily. I, on the other hand, I was slouched against a back corner booth nursing my…I looked at the table top and counted the glasses…sixth glass of scotch.

Jill hummed the tune of the song being played, although I don’t know what it is. “Jill,” I say, proud that I’m slurring only slightly, “Who’s this?”

She swings her pretty, brown haired head to me and answers without pause, “It’s a cover of Godsmack’s Awake.”

My nose scrunches up as I try to figure out what a Godsmack is.

Instead, I go back to the picture I had tucked in my purse. A candid shot of Nora and I dancing with each other on the floor not located thirty feet from me. Sighing, I swipe at the tear that managed to escape.

Crap.

“You need to stop,” the voice a hot puff of air against my ear. I turn to look at Jill who’s scooted closer and is resting against my right side. “We were supposed to come, get shit faced and enjoy a night of gayety, pun intended, while forgetting about our frustrating lesser halves.”

“How do you do it?” I ask bluntly. I’m not sure if it’s the raw emotional state I’ve found myself in or the alcohol that’s taken away my usual tact.

Her brow furrows and she asks, “Do what? It? Like sex?”

I snort and swat her shoulder. “No, you…you something that is consistently thinking of sex.”

“Hey, I think of sex the average amount for a woman my age. But you didn’t clarify. Do what?”

I roll my eyes and clarify for her, “Deal with not knowing whether Ann is safe. What if something happens?”

Her features soften and she leans her head against my shoulder, sipping at the fruity cocktail that’s been in her hand for the past thirty minutes. “Honestly,” she sits up and looks at me, “you sure you wanna hear this?”

I nod and she sets her drink down. “It was really hard. It still is. I used to not think about it. The fact that she’s been in some very scary situations. It was safer for me not to because I didn’t know how I would handle it.”

“Didn’t?” I finish off the rest of my scotch and look around for the server. Spotting her, I hold up my glass and give it a little wave. She nods and I watch her disappear into the sea of people.

“About, it’s been seven years now, it was her first injury.” She slurps up the rest of her drink before going on, “John, Ann’s boss, sweet guy, called me. Said that Ann had been hurt and there was going to be a car there in five minutes to bring me to the helipad at the local hospital to catch a chopper to D.C.”

I lean back, resting my head on the bench wall behind me and listen to her.

“I was so freaked. By the time I got to the hospital, I had been through every worst case scenario, but it wasn’t as bad as all that.” She smiles at me and then looks down at her hand. Her wedding ring glints a little in the light. It’s not lavish, a simple single solitary diamond and the platinum band to match. She and her wife have the exact same ring set. “She’d just sprained her ankle. Chased someone down twenty flights of steps and leapt to catch them the last leg of it.”

That sounds like Ann.

“Anyway, it was a concussion and a sprained ankle. I threw a conniption. Full on water works and drama.” She blushes at the admission, but continues, “After that, I was pretty obsessive, calling all the time while she was working. Made her crazy. Drove me crazy too. Then we had enough. I…” she looks away again, remembering. “We split up for all of a week until we started therapy together. I was having nightmares and she was a wreck. We got through it though.”

“But,” I slur a little less and straighten up, “how do you do it now?”

She shrugs. “We talk. We talk a lot and when she can’t tell me things, I have to learn to accept it. I trust her. I trust the people she works with. That has to be good enough.”

That’s it? My brain muddles through trying to see light at the end of the tunnel and coming out of it being able to say what Jill says. I can’t.

Her hand covers mine and she squeezes, “Baby, you can’t control it. You worry about what you can, not what you can’t.”

I manage a small snicker. “That’s your sage advice? Worry about what I can control and not about the other?”

“Yeah,” she smiles at me. “It’s the only thing that’s gonna keep you sane.”

I don’t think I can.

I worry about her when we’re working together. With her out there with someone else, I can’t not think about it. It’s the only thing that’s been a consistent presence in my mind over the past few hours.

I pull the new phone I got from my pocket and look at the display. No missed calls.

“Hey,” Cassie says sliding in the booth to sandwich me between her and Jill. “Gorgeous, long time no see!” Casey beams at Jill and I look at Jill who blushes.

“Hi Casey,” Jill says, leaning over me to plant a wet kiss on her friends lips. Pulling back, Casey’s all grin and Jill giggles.

“And Nikki.” The bartender turns to me and rattles a rock glass full of amber liquid in front of me. “I’d ask where Ann and Nora are, but,” she looks pointedly at the table top, “I don’t think I need to.” She leans in and pecks me on the cheek. “This is your last one detective.”

I frown as I accept the glass. “That’s not fair,” I whine.

Casey just smirks. “Tough cookies, toots.”

I roll my eyes and Jill giggles again by my right side.

“So, would anyone like to tell me where Laverne and Shirley are at?” Casey asks.

I look at Jill and motion for her to go ahead and fill Casey in. “Ann and Nora are off gallivanting around the country while Nikki and I are stuck here.”

“Uh-huh, and Nikki is there a reason why you look like you lost your puppy and your girlfriend all in one fell swoop?” The bartender gently shoulders into me.

“Fight,” is what I offer as Casey tisks.

“You done for the night Cas?” Jill leans around me and smiles at her friend.

“Yep. Figured I’d come and see what was happening. Your waitress thinks that Nikki’s trying to drink us out of Scotch.” Casey pushes me closer to Jill and slings an arm across the back of my shoulders. “But considering the state of our friend here, I think that’s not a horrible idea.”

“Nora really is being an ass,” Jill offers in way of support.

“Nora,” Casey drawls, “is more stubborn than anyone has the right to be. It’s why we love her.”

I swing my head at the easy admission and Casey notices.

She smirks. It’s an evil smirk that would be evil and cute if I wasn’t jealous.

“Easy there tiger. I love her, never was stupid enough to fall in love with her.” She winks at me and I groan.

She’s got me there.

“But, if you,” she points to Jill, “are going to allow your wife’s ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend to sit here and wallow, I suggest you have some fun while doing it.” Casey stands and drags me up with her.

I look her over in her low-slung tight fitting jeans and a tank top. She comes to my nose and her chestnut colored hair is streaked with blue.

“We need to dance,” she states and nods her head for emphasis.

I feel Jill come up behind me and pinning me between the two women. They drag me to the dance floor and I know this is just a bad idea.

---

As the cabin light warning us to fasten our seatbelts dings off, the one steward that’s been on this flight comes up and says, “Agent Flemming, I have Director Maddow on line one. he would like to conference with you and Detective Delaney.”

Ann and I unbuckle our belts and follow the woman around our seats to a small work area. Ann and I sit next to each other and begin sorting through the files that we grabbed from Kyle Landry, the agent we met in Boston.

We both look up as John’s voice comes through the cabin speaker. “Ann, Nora good evening.” The guy sounds way too awake for two in the morning.

Ann laughs a little and says, “Yes, old man?”

“Wanted to touch base before you guys called it quits for the night,” he answers ignoring the old man comment.

Ann shakes her head and he says, “I don’t need to see you Ann. Quit shaking your head and making that face. You worry about you. I’ll worry about me.”

I sit back and listen to the banter enjoying Ann’s frustration.

“Look, if it were a once in a while thing, John, I would leave it alone, but really, when’s the last time you saw a bed?” She shuffles a few more papers and pulls up the notes we were putting together before we got to the airport. “But if you want to not sleep for days on end, drive yourself crazy and we’ll make this call quick. I’d like my two hours before we get to Houston.”

I hear him laugh as the click of a computer keyboard sounds. “Good. Now that we’ve established that I don’t give in to petty needs like sleep, tell me what you guys found out.”

Ann looks at me and nods. I take the hint and start speaking, “Landry confirmed the set up in Boston was similar to what Williams had set up in Pittsburgh.”

“The rogue agent theory?” he asks.

“Yeah. Landry wasn’t as…persistent as Williams which is why we think Landry’s still in Boston, but someone is getting their asses covered up by someone above the standard field agents pay grade.”

“We have no idea what the agent looks like, but it’s the consistent thread between Williams’ and Landry’s stories. I think Houston will have something similar and John, I’d bet you a month of Starbucks that if we went to the other agents, the primaries at least, they would say similar things.” Ann points to the Williams file and I pick it up and grab the sheet with questions we scribbled on it.

“John, where are you right now?” Ann queries.

“In New Orleans. I wanted to be here for the raid so I came straight from my debriefing with the Secretary. Why?”

“I want you to do a little leg work. Put together headshots of every agent we have working this case and send me a fake mug shot book.”

“What are you thinking Flemming?” he huffs.

“I’m thinking what we’re all thinking. If we can get the agent fingered, then maybe we can stop the drop, collar the Sungs and the dirty agent all in one go without the risk of endangering anymore lives,” she answers.

I lean forward and smile at my friend. “We’re thinking that if we can do that and you can rattle some cages while we’re out of town, then it’s our best shot at stopping this before it starts,” I chime in.

“Alright. You’ll have it by the time you land in Houston,” the man relents and then grumbles, “I was looking forward to watching a little hotel porn, but damn you Flemming.”

My eyes bulge and Ann just laughs. “Yeah, like you do every time you’ve been up for days. You start watching porn, I’ll become a nun.”

“And have Jill kill me. I think not.” His laughter is a little infectious, I look at Ann, and she shrugs.

“One thing John, have you heard from Luce and the rest?” Ann asks.

“Yeah, they’re wrapping things up. I’m sure we’ll get the final here within the next coupla days. Now, ladies, enjoy the rest of your flight and hopefully we’ll see you tomorrow evening.” John doesn’t bother waiting for our goodbyes as the speaker crackles and dies.

Well that was interesting.

I stretch and yawn. Ann follows suit and we shuffle back to our seats. Plopping down we look at each other and nod. I hit the button and Ann mirrors my actions. Our seats extend out flat and I push the armrest up to fill in the gap, creating a full size bed out of the seats.

The steward swings by and offers us a few pillows and blankets. Gladly, we accept them as the cabin lights dim. Unconsciously, I find myself snuggling up with Ann. Her arm snakes behind my neck and press me into her shoulder as I lay a hand across her midsection.

I shift trying to find the most comfortable position despite where we find ourselves, but after a few minutes still the movements. Realization washes over me and I stifle the laugh.

She’s not Nikki. Ann and I fit together alright we always did, but she’s not my partner. Nikki and I…

“What,” Ann whispers in the darkened cabin, “are you laughing about?”

“Myself,” I reply in an equally hushed tone.

“Mm-hmm,” she hums and beings scratching her blunt nails across my scalp. “Hey, Nor?”

“Yeah,” I nearly purr. She knows how much I like that. She’s buttering me up for something.

“I guess, well, I know that being out, ya know, on the force isn’t the best career option,” she stammers, “I just don’t know, why…how come your family doesn’t know?”

I can’t control the automatic tensing that happens to the muscles in my back as she finally voices her question. I can’t control the pickup in my heart rate.

“I don’t want to press or pry, but it’s something I’ve always wondered,” she mumbles.

“I…” My lips purse. How much of this do I really want to say? How much of this do I really want deal with?

“Nora, sweetie, if…” she starts.

“It’s okay,” I mumble into her shoulder. “Honestly, a lot of reasons or one reason that’s all built up to make a buncha small ones.” I feel the medallion around my neck slide up and bump my chin. I take my free hand and play with it on the chain. “You remember our graduation party from the force. The one that I invited Jill and Lee to?”

Ann snorts and says, “How could I forget. I was miserable that day. Seeing Jill and knowing what I felt for her on top of what I felt for you. Seeing her again…trust me Nora I won’t forget that day.”

“I figured, but what you don’t know about that day is that I followed Jill. I saw you in the woods, talking,” I confess.

“You what? Nora why didn’t you…” she stammers.

Dropping the necklace, I press my index finger to her lips to quiet her. “Shh, lemme talk Ann. I didn’t want to. It didn’t seem right. So I walked away and ran into my father as I came out of the woods. He said two things to me that day. The first was to give me the medallion of St. Francis. The second was to inform me that he knew what you and I were and that it needed to stop.”

I hear her sharp intake of breath. The revelation probably not what she was expecting, but I press on, “See that was the first time he mentioned it. The second was right before he died.” I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and blink back the tears that have collected. “That conversation pretty much boiled down to his disappointment in my lifestyle. He also made me promise not to tell my mom.”

“Nora, baby,” her voice aches and her grip tightens around me, “he had no right.”

“Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he did.” I shrug. “But it’s what it is. I can’t after I promised him. I won’t do that to my mom ‘cause he was right. I don’t think she could handle it.”

“I don’t…”

“Ann, you saw her when you told her about you and Jill. She ran out of there like the Devil was on her heels,” I press. “You don’t know what it’s like to have my family.”

“No,” she hisses, “I really don’t Nora. My mother died three years ago. I didn’t go to the funeral and I haven’t been to visit her grave. My father may or may not be out of jail or hell the bastard may be dead.”

I cringe and kick myself for my slip up. I know better than to bring up her family.

“Ann, I’m sorry, I didn’t,” I trip over my words trying to apologize.

“It’s…alright. I just, I think that maybe if you came out to her it wouldn’t be that bad,” Ann relents. “I think maybe she loves you more than that for your being gay to be a factor.”

I sigh and tighten my hold around Ann’s middle. “Nikki’s the only one that’s made me think about breaking that promise,” I confess.

Ann lets out a bitter laugh, small and telling. “Figures.” She begins playing with my hair and the silence settles over us.

I don’t know if that was a fair thing for me to say, but it is the truth.

“What would have happened to us?” Ann breaks the silence.

“Dunno, Ann. I wish…”

“Don’t, Nora. We’re not and we’re both very much head over heels with our lovers. That was an unfair question.” Ann lets me off the hook. “What I do think is that you’re dad, regardless of intentions, was a prick for making you promise that. I may not get it, but I do love you, Nora Marie, and I will support your decision even though I think it’s a shitty one.”

I, however, can’t let myself off the hook despite her last statement. “No it wasn’t unfair. ‘Cause you and I,” I sit up a little and look her in the eyes. “It’s what friends are supposed to do, support each other. But you and I, Ann, letting you go wasn’t the easiest thing I did.” I offer firmly.

The surprise reflects in her eyes and I lean down, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. I resume my position and snuggle in mumbling, “Now, hush and go to sleep, we’ve got a long day,” before drifting off to sleep myself.

Ch. 8 – Inconsolable