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A Thousan Oceans - Ch. 6 & 7
Fandom: Nikki & Nora
Pairing: Nikki/Nora
Rating: PG-13 to R (depends on the chapter)
Title: A Thousand Oceans – Ch.6 – I’m Breathin’ In
Disclaimer: These characters well, Nikki, Nora, Dan, Darius, Georgia, Charlie, Arthur, Bobby and Mrs. Delaney are so not mine (damnit!), but Ann and Jill and other characters not mentioned in the pilot are (Ha!). The ones in the “damnit!” category belong to Nancylee Myatt and other’s I don’t know. I’m here for a bit of fun, and for this story, angst. No profit is being made here, and if it is, I’m not seeing a dime.
A/N: Not being able to talk…sucks…which totally makes me rethink my retirement plan of becoming a monk and hightailing it to Tibet to be one of them saffron robe wearing, bald headed chicks on top of a mountain that the villagers either come to chill with or stay away from (depending upon the level of fear they have). That being said, being off work ‘cause you can’t talk and your doc doesn’t trust you enough to not talk at work that they fax over an off work notice while you’re at his blasted office, blows. *sigh* So, I’m bored. It’s a little before 2:30 am and I figured what the hell I’d eat some time and make some posts.
Now, here’s the deal. I originally had intended all of part one to be a standalone piece, meaning that all these “chapters” were never supposed to be broken down into actual chapters. Then I changed my mind. I felt that to get the affect that was needed, breaking the scenes down into chappies would serve better…six weeks in and I dunno about you, but it’s a little too drawn out for my tastes.
This may be a mistake or it may be that it’s okay and it’s only me…there’s also a chance that I’m rambling now…so to assuage my guilt for breaking up what was supposed to be all one piece and to stave off a bit of boredom in the wee hours of the morning, I’m posting six and seven in one go.
Read…enjoy…sleep(if you can)…and talk too! =0)
Your atmosphere is all I’m breathin’ in
I look up again, catching her eyes going back to the stack of folders in front of her. Nary has a word been exchanged between us. We’ve sat here most of the day going from one file to the next. We’ve also both made the requisite appointments to see the shrink so we can be released for field work.
I honestly can’t say I’m upset about being stuck at my desk. The break from looking at dead bodies is actually welcome. I knew making the transition from narcotics to S.C.U. was going to be a little hard to handle. I had expected it.
Nora kinda made the transition as easy as it could have been and I rolled with it all to keep pace with my partner. Even on our toughest cases, she’s not let her emotions show the affect they’ve had on her.
Which is surprising given her temperament. But Nora holds it in really well.
I haven’t missed the dead bodies in two weeks, and I won’t complain about another week or so away from them either. Even though suspension was god awful.
Thank God for Darius. He’s been spending his free evenings with me. Sometimes he berates me for letting my fear get the better of me. At least that’s how he started, but once I told him about the past few weeks. About Nora and what she’s been working on, he lightened up and has been a bit more supportive. Except when he gives me the look.
I sigh and close the current file. Stretching in my chair, I hear my back pop back into place. Nora looks up at me and gives me a look, chewing on her lower lip. Her eyes are a storm of thoughts. I can’t be sure if they are in regards to me or if they are about the files she’s shuffled through.
Or…it could be because Dan knows and I’m not entirely sure how she feels about that. Of course there’s not much for Dan to know right now. What I did ask him, when I chased him down outside of my apartment, was how he found out.
He offered me this little smile and said, “At first it was a suspicion. She let you drive her car. In the years that we worked together, she never let me behind the wheel.”
“That was it?” I had asked.
He grinned and then answered, “No, her attitude’s changed. She smiles more. She looks at you like she ain’t ever looked at me. All of that plus your reaction to her at the airport. It clicked.”
I kicked myself then. It isn’t that I ever thought that he was dumb. I actually think he’s a pretty smart guy. I just thought that Nora and I did and do a stellar job of hiding it.
But…
We overlooked one minor detail.
Despite Nora’s adamant declaration that nothing between the sheets happened between the two; he was her partner before me. That bond, especially if you’re a good team, is hard beat. Nothing makes people closer than being shot at together. Hell, it brings a level of intimacy greater than sex to the relationship under certain circumstances.
And truthfully, I’m okay with Dan knowing. It makes things a bit easier. He did say that he wasn’t gonna stop teasing Nora and by teasing he meant hitting on her ‘cause it “chafes her like nothing other.”
He’s right about that. My…she gets huffy usually when he does.
“Delaney,” Nora answers her desk phone. I try not to eavesdrop but I hear snippets, “No, ma, I didn’t…I don’t know if I’ll have time…You what?...No, look,” she stammers and I catch her eye.
She holds the phone away from ear and looks me over. Cocking my head to the side I try to discern what’s going on with the look she’s giving me. She gets the same look when studying evidence or a crime scene.
I resist the urge to snap at her that I’m not a dead body or a smear of blood.
Her mouth parts a little more and her eyes widen in that way that lets me know she’s figured something out.
I scowl at her and go back to my stack.
“Yeah, ma, I’m still here…Actually, if you want set an extra spot, I might just be bringing a guest…No, not yet…I’ll let you know…yeah, you too…Bye.” She cradles the receiver and stands.
Looking me over she says, “I’m gonna head out. Darius still coming to pick you up?”
I nod, watching as she grabs her jacket and practically runs out the door. I cluck my tongue and look at the clock on the computer. Five p.m. We’ve been here our eight hours. Funny how the day seems to crawl on by when you’re buried under a mountain of paperwork you could care less about.
Sighing, I push back from my desk and gather my purse and coat. Darius should be waiting for me around the corner. Maybe he’ll take me out and get me properly drunk.
I trot down the steps, sign out and head to our designated meeting place. He’s driving his Escalade and every time he drives it I have to laugh a little. In private, the man laments the stereotypes associated with his ethnicity. Yet…he plays the part to any casual observer. Talk to him for ten minutes and his farce is revealed. The car is another facet of his “cover”. Tricked out with rims, a system, tinted windows and all the bells and whistles, Darius seems to enjoy it.
I suppose that’s the most important part.
I slip into the passenger seat just as the rain breaks for the second time today. I lean over and give him a peck on the cheek. He grins at me and asks, “How’s the first day back?”
I don’t answer as he pulls out into traffic and heads towards my apartment. I see him glance out of the corner of his eye and dutifully, I ignore his looks.
“When you gonna get another car?” he asks over the jazz coming out of the speakers.
“When I figure out if I’m gonna need one,” I reply shortly.
“How was Nora?”
“What are we playing twenty questions, Dar?” I snip. I shouldn’t be cranky with him. It’s not his fault my day sucked.
We stop at a light and he turns to me, hooking a finger under my chin, turning my head towards him. “We will if you don’t start talkin’. Kouz you gotta get it right.”
“Why?” I ask pulling away and point towards the car moving ahead of us. “She said half a dozen sentences to me today and then took off as soon as the clock hit five.”
He grunts at me and mumbles, “Shit’s gonna make for a long fucking week.”
Silently, I agree.
…Crashing down, crashing down,
In your avalanche, in your avalanche
I huff waiting on Nikki to get in the car. I’m taking her home tonight. The first night all week. It’s also our Friday and I’ve yet to ask her what I really want to.
I drum my fingers on the steering wheel. I should just ask and get it over with. I mean would she say no?
I can’t be sure of that. If you had asked me a few weeks ago, I could have told you with conviction that she would have jumped at the chance. But.
It’s not a few weeks ago.
Resisting the urge to thump my head on the steering wheel and injure my car, I do what I do best. Put the pieces together. And oddly enough, I have my mother to thank for this. The irony isn’t lost on me.
It took me a while to put some of the pieces together. Nikki’s not just talking about me and Ann, although I think that my relationship with Ann bugs my girl more than she ever told me. In a way, Nikki is right. I did choose the case over her, but what she doesn’t see is that if the shoe were on the other foot, if it was her that was asked to work the case, she would have done the exact same thing.
My mouth screws to the side, slowly working through my plan of attack, first step is to ask her to dinner. Then well, the rest kinda depends on her reaction to it all. She’s scared. That I understand. But we can’t pretend that our jobs aren’t dangerous, but she’s using her past as an excuse.
I chew on my lower lip, disliking the idea of using her dead girlfriend against her, but Nikki’s using her against me and I’m pissed about it, just not pissed off enough to not cut her slack. She deserves it.
We both have baggage and we both need to work through it.
Together.
Nikki’s back is turned to me as she rests on the passenger side fender of June. Her left arm is tucked neatly under her right arm that is holding her phone to her ear. I can’t hear her or see her face, but for some reason I get the feeling that she’s annoyed with the person on the other end of the line.
Then again she’s been annoyed all week. I can count on one hand the times I’ve seen her smile at anyone this week. Dan keeps shooting us looks as we come in and out of his office to pick up more files to organize.
And while I have time to brood, fuck him and his files. I hate desk work and this is like being stuck in the middle of my own mini hell.
Shit’s getting old. Thank God, I’ve got an appointment with the shrink Tuesday morning when we return for the beginning of the week.
Nikki pushes off the car and turns looking at me, asking me for a minute more. I nod and she nods and turning away from me, goes back to her conversation.
I get that I fucked up. I understand that what I said to Nikki that Friday night when everything went to shit was insensitive and that if our roles were reversed I would have reacted much the same way Nikki did.
Hell, I probably would have been madder.
Every word Ann and Jill have said to me regarding my relationship with Nikki is coming to bite me in the ass. My words to her, to my lover, have been hollow. I see it, now. I just hope I’m not too late. I just need her to talk to me.
If she’d get her ass in the car. If she’ll give me the time of day. I figure that I’ve only fifteen minutes to really get her to buy into what I have to say. If I smoked, I’d want a cigarette right now. As it stands, I’d take a fifth of tequila and all the courage I can muster.
Both the drink and the courage are in short supply as Nikki slips inside my car. As she fastens the seatbelt across her lap, I ask, “You ready?”
She bobs her head.
Yep. That’s about as much as she’s said to me all day. Sighing, I put June Lee in gear and head towards her apartment. The words I wanted to say leave me. I keep looking at her out of the corner of my eye. I’ve never seen her quite so…surly. That’s the best description of how she’s been all week. Grumpy too.
The trip to her apartment is shorter than I would have liked. So short that I wasn’t able to find my spine that was misplaced when she stepped into June Lee. The bats start up in my stomach and my palms are slick against the steering wheel. I need to grow a pair before she bolts. It’s just…I’m not good at this. I’m fine when things are good, but I hate fighting. I never did handle confrontation with the people I was seeing well.
Well, it’s not like there was a lot of people, Tommy, Ann and if you count Cassie. I think that was one of the reasons I stuck around with Tommy as long as I did. I had no urge to fight with him. Then Ann. She changed everything. And she also took glee in pointing out the signs of my sexual orientation. I’ll forgive her for it when I’m old and grey…maybe.
It’s also a part of what Nikki doesn’t understand or maybe she does, but she’s chosen to ignore it. I was always the tomboy. I was always the one that people made assumptions about. I had no interest in dating in high school. Tommy chased me and I just figured it was what you were supposed to do. So I did it…until something that actually felt right came along.
Nikki looks at me as she unbuckles her seatbelt. The voices in my head are yelling at me and the opportunity to say what I need is quickly slipping through my fingers. Gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white, I clamp my eyes shut and blurt, “Come with me on Sunday to family dinner?”
I wait for a response.
June Lee rumbles under the hood.
My blood rushes through me, sounding in my ears, nearly drowning out the sound of the engine.
But Nikki doesn’t say anything.
Slowly, I crack an eye open, my right one and sneak a peek.
She sits there staring at me.
Taking this as a sign I hurry on, “I know you want space. I know you need to figure it out, but I get it. I fucked up. I know that we have issues that we need to work on. I’d like to start. I want to make it right and I want to do it all with you by my side. I don’t know how, Nikki. I’m scared and I need you.”
I suck in a breath and forge ahead, “I don’t know if it’s too late or not, but I told my mama that I was gonna try and convince Dan’s replacement to come with me to dinner this Sunday. I know it’s not…it’s not what you want. But it’s a step. As for me and the closet, I have my reasons for staying in there. I’ll explain them to you if that’s what you want. I just…please…just…” I swallow and turn to her, “Just don’t leave it like this. Please?”
She stares back at me. Still not saying a word. Come on Nikki, anything, just say yes. Say we can take it slow. Just put me out of the misery I’ve been in…
The seconds tick by then she throws herself from my car and nearly runs to her apartment. My eyes follow her retreating form and I sag in to the seat. Falling forward, my forehead thumps against the steering wheel and the tears splash on its column.
Next>>>
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Waiting for more! :D
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Thank you!
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One plus at being stuck at home---you should have plenty of time to rectify the situation that you have left N & N stuck in.
Hope you find your voice soon.
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Two is way beter then one.
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Yes, ma'am. More soonish.
Thank you!
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Thank you!
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They don't seem to be able to hold a conversation for more than two minutes (in seven chapters). Maybe they need a longer break.
What we need is another (longer) chapter.
Thanks for sharing :)
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Although, I do go by Satan at work...
*whistles innocently and doddles off*
Thank you!
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Love the longer post but this cliffhanger is not cool. Am on the edge of my seat and waiting for the next post.
Thanks!
(Hope you feel better soon)
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Very curious about who's on the another end of the phone call with Nikki, someone or something that caused Nikki's extra bad mood？
Love the updates, and I really hope those two will work out their problems soon, hate to see they're suffering.
P.S. Tibet is really an amazing place, I think you could enjoy going there.
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I know everyone is going with the cliffhanger, but I am going with - hey Nikki did not say no... of course she said nothing, but she could have just turned and said no... so.... : )
like the small slips you got in like Dan still planning on teasing Nora (hence the lines from the pilot still kinda working ;)
there was something else I caught too I wanted to mention, something good, but durn and tarnation it is gone :P if it comes back I'll add more later
Thanks again for the story and can not wait for more!
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But, really it should be more of me thanking you....so ya know, thanks for reading and all that mess =0)