whedonist

Fandom: Nikki & Nora
Pairing: Nikki/Nora
Rating: PG-13 to R (depends on the chapter)
Title: A Thousand Oceans – Ch.2 – Noise Inside My Head

Disclaimer: These characters well, Nikki, Nora, Dan, Darius, Georgia, Charlie, Arthur, Bobby and Mrs. Delaney are so not mine (damnit!), but Ann and Jill and other characters not mentioned in the pilot are (Ha!). The ones in the “damnit!” category belong to Nancylee Myatt and other’s I don’t know. I’m here for a bit of fun, and for this story, angst. No profit is being made here, and if it is, I’m not seeing a dime.

Oh and before I forget, music is awesome, in fact it’s preferred over television, so…the story title is from Tori Amos (all bow to Tori “Goddess of the Ivory Keys” Amos) and Part I of this mess is from David Cook (yes, the American Idol winner – it’s actually not a bad album, a little over produced, but that’s common nowadays) off the self-titled album. The lyrics nor title belong to me…and I’m glad they don’t…I can’t sing to save my life.

A/N: Vacation! I’ve got a week off and I’m three days into it. I thought since I've already knocked out over half my “To-Do While On Vacation” List, I’d post a day early. I just finished up the 8th chapter of this, sent it off to my beta yesterday and am apparently giving him fits as I woke up to this email:

I wish you'd get back to work, it's a lot less stressful!
Dirk
*snickers* Serves him right!

Tell me tonight,
All that we have been,
Was it nothing more than noise inside my head?

Listening to my father carry on about the latest City Council drama, I sip the second bourbon I poured. It’s a tad bit early, a little after one in the afternoon, but it’s an indulgence. And no one will ever be able to say that I’m not indulgent. Especially when faced with picking up the pieces of my life.

“Nikki,” my father says, cutting through my private pity party, “you haven’t heard a word I’ve said, pumpkin. Would you care to tell me what’s going on?” He leans back in my kitchen chair and rests his hands on the tabletop, fingering his pinky ring with his thumb.

I swallow another drink and shrug. “A daughter can’t invite her father over for a good lunch?”

Truthfully, I’ve been miserable since…last week. I can handle the crap case with the eight year old. I can handle Nora and her bull-headed ways.

I can’t handle the thought of losing another lover.

When John let it slip about the bomb… maybe it was an overreaction. But she knows. I’ve told her about Erica and she went and did it anyhow. Facing it all, I just don’t think I can do it again.

“Normally, yes,” my father’s words are even, “but it’s the middle of the work week and I know you. Why aren’t you at work? Or did you think I wouldn’t ask?”

My lips press together as I gauge how honest I want to be. Sucking it up, I say, “I was suspended for two weeks. There was this mess of a case. You heard about the bomb at the airport. My partner and I were assigned; well Nora was assigned to the case.”

“Uh-huh, and you were suspended because?” he asks.

“I, uh…” I swallow and answer, “I punched a federal officer when I got on the scene. She came after Nora.” The image of Nora, bruised and sooty, standing there as Meagan Diea came after her plays in my mind. “Daddy,” I ask not giving him a chance to process my answer, “how did you know mama was the one?”

Draining the rest of my drink, I watch him physically recoil at the question. I can understand it. Usually when we talk of mama, its stories, reminiscing about a woman I can barely remember. As his shock wears off, his eyes narrow, looking me over like I’m twelve again, being caught doing something I shouldn’t have been.

And just like I did when I was twelve, I fidget in my seat, waiting for his response.

“Is there something you need to tell me Nicolette?” he responds.

Slowly, I nod and avoid eye contact. “There, is, was…I’m not sure, but it’s complicated.”

“Nothing worthwhile is ever simple, Nikki. Especially in matters of the heart. Why is it complicated?”

Sighing, I run my hands through my hair and finally meet his eyes. “The woman, she’s, our relationship getting out could cause a lot of damage. Professionally and personally.”

“I see,” he says. “Does this woman have a name?”

My jaw quivers and I nod. “Her, she’s my – it’s Nora, daddy.”

“Your partner?” He clarifies, “Your work partner. The blonde that looked ready to spit nails the last time I saw you at work?”

I nod again.

His eyebrow rises as his hands still.

“I was gonna tell you, but, there are things…Nora’s not out, we work together and it’s just a great big mess.” I’d like to say that I didn’t crumble under his stare. That the compassion I saw in his eyes didn’t make me feel like a great big heel, but it did and does.

Finally, I lose the small grasp of composure I had been maintaining and drop my head in my hands. The tears leaking through my fingers. I don’t hear him move, but I feel his arms wrap around me as my body shakes. His lips press to the top of my head and he holds me. He doesn’t say anything. He’s just there.

A pillar in my storm.

I’m not sure how long it takes to get me to calm down, but finally I do and as the last few sniffles and shudders move through me, his handkerchief is there drying the tears on my cheeks. The chair scrapes across the tiled kitchen floor and he saddles up to me, gripping my hands.

“What happened, little one?”

“I’m not sure where to start. We were reassigned to separate cases. Mine ended poorly. Nora’s ended with that explosion. She, uh, she knew that it was going to blow up…the hangar and she went in it anyhow.” I suck in a breath, trying to calm myself. “I just lost it. I wasn’t there to protect her. She wasn’t hurt real bad, but I just couldn’t handle it. Then…oh, daddy, I just. I needed a break.”

His hand reaches behind me and gently rubs up and down the length of my spine. “When’s the last time you talked?”

“Sunday,” I moan.

“Do you love her?” he asks, resignation tinting his words.

I nod. “So much. She wasn’t, she hit me like a freight train and now, now, she’s stalling on getting a place together. And now I’m kinda glad she did. I don’t think I can handle this. What if I lose her?”

“You’re scared, Nikki. That is natural, but if you love her. If she’s the one you’re giving your heart to, then you have to work through it,” he answers honestly.

“She has it and I… just – I do, so much, but, I just don’t know if I can be with her.” The words ring hollow in my ears. I know what I want.

I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with the implications. Things seemed so much easier two weeks ago. My future seemed like it was laid out at my feet, I just needed Nora to grab my hand and begin the walk with me.

But that’s just it. She didn’t. She shut me out; she chose Ann over me, even if it’s a platonic situation. She chose her over me. Consistently over the past two weeks.

My father sighs. He sighs and wraps his arm around my shoulders giving me a squeeze and a kiss on the side of my head. “There are no easy answers here, little one. I’m sorry.”

I slump against him. And swipe at my eyes again.

Can we just rewind the last few weeks and start over?

My head snaps up at the sharp knocking on my door. My father looks at me and stands, moving to answer the door. I watch him disappear around the corner and hear, “Ah, hello,” my father says.

“Is Nikki here,” the male voice asks.

Who?

Dan,

They both come around the corner of the wall that separates the kitchen from the entry way and living room. He starts to smile at me, but falters looking me over. “Uh, sorry, I tried to call…uhm,” he hooks a thumb over his shoulder and stutters, “I can – yeah, I’ll come back.”

“No,” my daddy says, “this is business or so it appears.” He excuses himself, “I’ll go for a little walk.”

I nod and wave at Dan to take a seat. “What?” I ask, not really in the mood to see him.

He fidgets. Not something I’ve seen him do. Looking me over, he sits opposite me at the end of my round kitchen table. “I tried to call,” he offers by way of apology.

“I turned the phones off. I’m not in the mood to chat.” I fold my arms across my chest and wait for him to get on with it.

“Makes sense. I just, are you okay?” he asks.

“I’m suspended. What the hell do you think?” I spit.

He winces, but meets my gaze. “You cold cocked a federal agent. You’re lucky that’s all you’re getting.”

I wave a hand at him and press, “Was there something you needed Lieutenant or did you come around to rub it in?”

“No, I really was just…” he rubs his hand over his head. It’s a habit he has when he’s nervous or frustrated. If I were him and he were me, I think I’d be a bit of both. “I just came from Nora’s. She looks only slightly better than you.”

He huffs and sits forward, lacing his hands on the tabletop. “I needed to speak with you both, but when you weren’t with her it threw me. I was hopin’ to kill two birds with one stone.” He looks me over, this time with a more critical eye. “I’m gonna go. This was – this is a mistake.” He moves to stand and I let him.

Rounding the corner he calls over his shoulder, “You need to talk to your girl.”

Wait?

My what?

It takes a few seconds, but my feet have me up and bounding for the door to stop him. What the hell is he talking about?

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